The Passive-Aggressive Guide to Social Media

By Scott Hepburn | Comments (26) | Trackbacks (8)

I love Wikipedia. The Wik’s to-the-point descriptions are uncanny. Like this entry for passive-aggressive:

Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following through with expectations in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible. It is a defense mechanism, and (more often than not) only partly conscious.

Wow. Not sure about you, but I, apparently, am a passive-aggressive dick. Whatever. Not my fault.

Anyway, my boss told me I had to write a post today (Pfft. I’d expect that from him.), so here’s my Passive-Aggressive Guide to Social Media:

Blame others

Complain, complain, complain

Lie

  • Make up elaborate stories to get attention. 
  • Subscribe to your own RSS feed to inflate your numbers
  • Create a separate Twitter account and follow yourself. Then send yourself @replies about how smart you are.
  • Drop names of people who don’t actually know you. (Okay, I got this one from Michael Phelps, but he said it’s cool if I use it.)
Procrastinate
  • Write blog posts, but don’t publish them. Better yet, don’t even write them. Just think of them. Nobody reads your stuff anyway.
  • Think about people you’ve met through social media — people you’d like to get to know better — then put off connecting with them.
  • Don’t respond to blog comments.
  • Put off actual work so you can complain on Twitter about your work.

Fear competition

Embrace inefficiency

Resist suggestions

—–
Okay, go ahead and comment. Or don’t. Whatever…I don’t care. You probably didn’t even read this.

Did you enjoy this post? Why not leave a comment or subscribe to my feed and get articles like this delivered automatically each day to your feed reader.

Tags:
Topics: Social Media
  • amandab
    I started reading it, but it sounded too much like what I've been doing for years. So I stopped and took a two hour lunch to go Christmas shopping.
  • Sorry I didn't get to read this sooner, Scott. You told me you were posting it tomorrow. Yeah you did. It's not my fault you got your dates mixed up.

    This is a great post. Really. I would have formatted it differently and used less bullet points but, hey, that's just me. Looks like you're getting a lot of comments here. Guess people aren't too busy today and are looking for ways to fill the time. Lucky you :)
  • Look, don't blame me. Maybe you misunderstood.

    No, you're right. It's all my fault. Sorry.
  • Did you know social media can put you through med school?
  • You're devious! I love it!

    Bella
  • You guys are cracking me up with your comments. When I start my improv troupe and comedy podcast, I'm bringing you all with me. Just be ready this time, okay?
  • I didn't read this so I have no comment.
  • No passive-aggressive guide is really complete without including the the always effective phrase "they just don't get it." I'm surprised you didn't think of this...I guess I shouldn't be, given that I seem to be the only one who's really thinking these things through.

    I don't even know why I waste my time.
  • Really, you shouldn't even bother. I don't even know why you try.
  • This has got to be one of the top 4 blog posts of all time. But I'm too lazy to list what the other 3 might be. Actually, I don't even read blogs.

    I'm going to go take a nap.
  • Well played, sir. I say, well played!
  • LOL!
    Scott,
    No blame, no complaisn, no lies, ...
    Great! I read it all
  • Funny.

    Love that at the bottom you see: Did you enjoy this post? Why not leave a comment or subscribe to my feed and get articles like this delivered automatically each day to your feed reader.
  • Hilarious, Scott.
    Loved this.
blog comments powered by Disqus