Drinking the Kool-Aid as I Jump the Shark…FTW!

Bloggers have come down with a terrible case of the clichés, and boy are these hackneyed phrases doozies. In tribute to the late George Carlin, I’m starting my own official policy: This is the language you will not hear on this blog.

On this blog, I will not “jump the shark,” “get outside the fishbowl,” or “leave the echo chamber.” There will be no “circling the drain.” I will not “eat my own dog food” or “drink the kool-aid.”

I will never say “wheels up.” I will not go “off the grid.”

I will not do anything “for the win!” I won’t offer you anything “for what it’s worth” or “in my humble opinion.”

I will not use the word “kerfuffle.” Come to think of it, “brouhaha” and “imbroglio” are off limits, too.

There will be no gurus, no mavens, no Jedi, and no ninjas. Go hang out with the elflords and the 7th level wizards. There will be no “thought leaders” or “ideators,” either. Fairy tale creatures will be shot on sight.

And nothing will be “the new black.”

There will be no “twestivals,” “tweetups,” “tweeunions,” “twircuses,” “twuncheons,” “twitocracies,” “twictatorships,” “twinfluence,” or “twash twalking”

There will be no “death by PowerPoint.” There will be no “groupthink.” I will not “think globally and act locally.” There will be no “critical mass.”

We’ll say goodbye to NASCAR dads, hockey moms, Plinko uncles, and Chutes and Ladders sisters.

I will not get it to you by C.O.B. We will not discuss the R.O.I. And for god’s sake, we will no longer cook with EVOO.

There will be no “green interior decorators,” “green landscapers” or “green lawyers.”

When the task is overwhelming, you won’t find me trying to “boil the ocean.” When a project is behind schedule, I won’t be “basting the turkey.” I will not “hunker down.”

I don’t wanna hear about the future of this, the death of that, or the evolution of anything. There will be no more “downward spirals” or “vicious cycles.”

There, that oughtta do for now. “w00t!”

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